The Princess Bride
by RyterHarpie
Summary: It's the classic tale of star-crossed lovers. A fair maiden, a poor farmboy, and of course an evil prince. Now throw in a few cross dresses, a shark boy, and plenty of yaoi and I think You've got one hell of a bed time story.
1. Chapter 1

**Ryter: Hi all my fans out there this is your friendly neighborhood ryter**

**Harpie: And the cool personality Harpie. **

**Ryter: (Hitting her) Yeah Yeah. We're here to bring you a new story, but it's not really ours persay it's hers.**

**Sandpiper: Hello. I'll take it from here guys. (She smiles at the audience.) Hi. I'm Sandpiperlost the RyterHarpie of deviantart. This story is a collabration piece that I promised IcyEmo15 I'd post here. It's also on deviantart so go there and thank her anytime okay guys? we're both working hard and hoping all our FF fans like it. (She's here on FF too, so don't hold back because you're not a DA person.)**

**Ryter: So without further ado let's get it started.**

**Disclaimer: Do NOT own Naruto.**

Zabuza growled in irritation as he heard the loud ringing of a bell. Distracted he cut his finger instead of the vegetables for the soup. "Shit"  
"Zabu-kuuuuuunnnn! I neeeeedddddd you"  
Zabuza cussed under his breath and head up the stairs to see what his demanding lover wanted this time.  
"WHAT"  
Haku jumped when the door was kicked in and quickly hid under his blankets. Seeing Haku flushed and panting did nothing to improve the swordman's mood.  
'Look at him. Laying there all asking for it while I have to lay off because he's sick'  
Zabuza's eyebrow twitched in irritation. Haku peeked at him quickly. Against his will he started to cough hard. The older man's eyes narrowed as he waited for his lover to finish.  
"What did you want"  
Haku smiled nervously and fidgeted under the blankets.  
"I was wondering if...if you'd read a story to me Zabu-kun"  
There was a long moment of silence during which Haku was sure Zabuza would finally snap and fuck him into the mattress.  
'Not that that's a bad thing'  
After an enternity Zabuza sat down on the edge of their bed grumbling.  
"Fine, but I get to sleep in the bed tonight, and you have to wear that frilly thing I like"  
Haku beamed and nodded happily before searching under his pillow for the book he wanted to hear. He handed the pink bound book to his lover a little too enthusiastically. The older man took one look at the title and tossed it back at him.  
"No. Way. In. Hell. What? Are you gay or something"  
Ignoring the obvious stupidity of the question the feminine boy pouted cutely and gave Zabuza a heart broken look.  
"Do you hate me so much Zabuza-sama. I'm sorry if I offended you, I just wanted to be with Zabuza"  
Caving almost instantly the rouge nin snatched back the book in annoyance and opened to the title page.  
"Whatever, but I'm telling the story my way. Don't expect any of that stupid chicky stuff"  
Haku looked down trying hard to hide his smirk as he lay back into the pillows.Scowling at the sick kid Zabuza read the books title out loud.  
"The Princess Bride."

**Kisame**

Found along the seashore when he was a little child tied to a wrapped sword, Kisame was raised by the sea until the time he turned fifteen. At that time his adoptive family sold him to a rich family, Uch-something, in order to protect their real childern. This didn't really bother him in the least. Working as a slave to one family is the same as working as a servant for another. At least he got to keep his sword. The only real problem with working for these dysfunctional people was.  
"Fish! I require assistance"  
Was having to deal with that guy. Sighing Kisame stopped what he was doing and walked over to the long haired boy who was waiting calmly, but with obvious impatience. Uchiha Itachi. He was the most beautiful thing Kisame had ever seen, as well as a cold hearted bastard.  
"I'm coming. I'm coming keep your knickers on princess"  
Itachi glared at him menacingly, the effect lost because of the way his long hair was hanging loosely around his face.  
"I've told you once before, and I won't tell you again. Do NOT call me that"  
The blue boy smirked as he remembered when he'd first met the Uchiha boy. He'd just arrived and was walking some of the horses out to pasture when he'd seen a kid clinging onto a stallion for dear life. Kisame hadn't thought before he acted, and had hopped on one of the horses and chased the helpless younger teen down. He'd managed to somehow grab the stallions reins and calm the beast. The person laid sprawled across the horses back breathing hard, midnight black hair hanging like a curtain over the light blue traditonal kimono. Kisame had not just fallen in love, but had drowned in it. Again without thinking Kisame climbed off of his own horse and offered his hand to the exhausted beauty.  
"Would you...Would you like me to help down princess"  
The child on the horse looked up for the first time glaring. Kisame's heart stopped, and then his world went black and blue. He looked up from the ground holding his jaw. Standing tall and proud infront of him was his 'princess'. In a voice that was quiet, but obviously male Itachi spoke the few words that would change the orphans life.  
"From this day on, I will make your life a living hell"  
"Snap out of your daydreaming, you have work to do. Are do you want to be punished"  
All that had been at least two or three years ago. Kisame shook his head and returned to the present. He smiled at the Uchiha boy, who simply shrugged him off and turned his back to him.  
"My hair. Tie it back up, and do it correctly the first time"  
Sighing Kisame took the ribbon from Itachi and tied his hair up in a high ponytail. Inspecting his work quickly he nodded in satisfaction.  
"It's nice and pretty like you like it princess"  
Itachi shot him an annoyed look, but quickly walked away without further comment. Kisame let out a sigh of relief, he'd been sure that he was going to be.  
"You shall not be fed tonight, and tommorrow morning you will be the last to be served. If I find out otherwise that will seem far too easy a sentence"  
"As you wish"  
Yes this was the man he loved. Beautiful. Ruthless. Genius.  
"Princess"  
And a complete bastard.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys. It's me again. Sorry the other two couldn't make it. - This is chapter two written exclusively by Icy Emo, so if you're ever on deviantart say hi to her! Next chapter soon. And a big thanks to everyone who reveiwed!**

Itachi

Itachi

Life is hard.

Really hard

Especially when your family can't accept you for who you are.

See Itachi Like wearing Women's clothing, keep his hair long and even dream about men.

The long hair was tolerated.

The Dresses looked enough like robes that it was put up with

But the men,

That was something that they couldn't stand.

The only reason he was caught was that he tended to talk in his sleep and the walls in his old home where very thin.

It didn't take long for him to sent away to a small cottage near the edge of the forest.

It wasn't so bad. His family came to visit every now and than, if only for his father to beat him, and show his younger brother, Sasuke what happened when you sinned.

And of course there was the time they brought him a farm boy.

Even if he was a sinner his family still wouldn't have him living like a commoner. Than and his mother most likely wouldn't stop nagging.

It wasn't the best of introductions.

It seems his family just left the Farm hand on his land while he was out for his daily ride. But the thing was.

He was really bad at it.

And the horse seemed to realize this fact and went far to fast for the Uchiha boy.

Just when He was about to fall of the stead a surprisingly Blue man, Saved him.

Just at first glance Itachi felt something weird in his stomach, like a field of butterflies decided it was their new home.

Than the words came out of that man mouth.

"Would you...Would you like me to help down princess."

Princess…PRINCESS?!

HOW DARE HE?!

NOT ONLY WAS HE BEING CALLED A WOMAN, BUT ALSO HE USED THE SAME BLOODLY TERM HE SADIST OF A FATHER USED EVERY FREAKING BEATING!

This man would pay, ohh he would pay dearly.

Balling up his fist he slammed it into the blue mans Face, sending him crashing to the ground.

"From this day on, I will make your life a living hell."

And Itachi believed that he kept his promise.

The only thing is.

He didn't like it.

He did like all the time he spent with kisame.

But

Just not the way they spent it.

Arguing and bickering.

Itachi was just glad kisame slept in the stables or he would hear the young teen moaning and calling his name during the very vivid dreams he often had about the fish like man.

But Itachi was clever.

He wasn't called a genius for nothing.

He used his authority over then man to get the physical contact he was so fucking desperate for.

Like tieing up his hair.

Oh kami-sama did it feel good to have the callused and strong fingers Running through his hair.

But the other man didn't seam to enjoy it very much

But

Anything he could get.

Itachi would take it.

But god did he want to sleep with the fish man.

"Hold it, hold it!" screamed to brown haired boy, followed by a coughing fit.

"What?" growled Zabuza.

" Is that what the **cough** book really says?" Asked the sickly Haku.

"Do ya wanna take a look yer self?" Growled the impatient man.

"Yes please Za-kun." Muttered the Meek boy.

Zabuza handed the book over and Big brown eyes scanned the pages, before widening comically.

"Oh."

"Yup.'

"…"

"Should I start reading again?"

"Yes please Zabuza-Sama."

"Good, okay… where was I?" he mutted more to himself than anybody.

" 'But god did he want to sleep with the fish man' "

"… Thank you Haku." Came the sarcastic reply.

Missing the Sacasim the boy said "no Problem"


	3. Chapter 3

"Touch my body. ooooohhhh. Touch my Achoo body"  
Haku rubbed his nose and waited patiently for Zabuza to return from the bathroom.  
"I will hunt you down"  
"Haku I thought I told you before, No singing...ever"  
Haku looked up at the older nin blushing slightly.  
"Sorry, Zabuza-sama. Can we get back to the story now"  
Zabuza sighed and nodded, settling back at the edge of the bed.  
"Sure. Whatever"  
Kisame The blue stable boy sighed. It'd been a long week. He'd had to work three times as hard as normal because that old Uchiha fart had decided to drop in on Itachi. He hadn't even been allowed to sleep in the shed like usual, instead he was forced to share the barn with the horses. He pulled another piece of straw out of his hair. God he needed a bath.  
"Stuck up stupid bastard. Needs to either pull the stick out of his arse or push it in further. Why does he always feel the need to pick on"  
Kisame froze in mid-tirade. He smacked himself hard in the face to wake himself up. He closed his eyes and started to think slowly.  
'Nope. That is not there. It's just a wet dream, just a wet dream, just a wet'  
He opened his eyes and the vision was still standing there. Itachi waist deep in the freezing cold water, completely naked from what Kisame could make out. The older boy couldn't do anything but stare blankly, well...at least until he started seeing that body of Itachi's in a different position making a various amount of sounds that would be music to his ears. "CRAP"  
Kisame turned a weird color of purple as he blushed, trying to cover up his growing 'problem' with the towel he'd carried down with him. He growled at his own stupidity for walking down in nothing but his boxers.  
"I can't believe this! God if he catches me peeking at him with a"  
The stable boy heard the gentle swishing of water, and quickly looked up. His dark eyes met with Itachi's red ones. Itachi fell backwards onto his butt making a tiny squeak. The Uchiha rolled his eyes and turned his back to the shark, his long hair swishing and glittering in the sunlight.  
"If you've come to bathe, I suggest you do it before night fall, Unless you enjoy smelling like horse manure"  
Kisame turned a darker shade of purple, but saw the logic in this. It only made sense that Itachi didn't really care that he was practically naked, after all, they were both male. Moving as quickly as possible Kisame pulled down his boxers and rushed into the water. He shivered at the cold water, but it did absolutely nothing for his excitement. He mentally cursed his own imagination and dunked himself under water hoping that would cleanse his mind. When he came back up and opened his eyes, he saw Itachi giving him an intense look, like he was looking through him.  
"Is..Is there something I can do for you pr..princess"  
Not saying a word Itachi turned away from him and walked towards the bank. At first Kisame was sure that he had said something to make Itachi leave. He sighed and stared down at the clear water.  
'Looks like I've got a lonely swim ahead of me'  
"Blue freak, there's soap and a cloth on the bank"  
The young heir pulled his hair over his shoulder, putting the pure white skin on display. Kisame's mind shorted out. The words that Itachi had just said could quite fit with the image in front of him. Oh, there were a numer of OTHER words and sound that would go perfectly with this scenerio, but cloth and soap didn't quite fit.  
"Humbahghananwha"  
Itachi glared over his shoulder quickly before turning back to lean over the bank again.  
"I knew you were low class, but I didn't know you were stupid. Wash my back"  
Once more Kisame blushed, and not just from the name calling. He made his way slowly through the water towards the bank. He spotted the cloth and soap easily, but there was an obstacle between him and it, namely Itachi.  
"Um...Princess, y..you need to move so that I can get the"  
"Reach for it"  
Kisame grimaced. That was the last thing that he wanted to hear at the moment. Trying hard to keep some distance between himself and his charge he reached over for the items. As soon as he had them he took a quick step back. He glanced down into the water stealing quick glances at the Uchiha to see if he noticed. When Itachi didn't turn to look at him, he assumed he was safe.  
"I'd like to be washed sometime today"  
"Right Right"  
Kisame reached out and gently touched the cloth to his back. Loving how smooth to the touch Itachi was. He let his hands wander over the other boys body, his dark eyes focusing on what was hidden underneath the water.  
'I wonder if he'd notice if I...No! Snap out of it! Bad Kisame Bad! But Godddd It's right there'  
His fingers twitched. Fighting the urge to just mount his princess right there he rung out the rag onto his back, watching as the soapy water ran down the youngers back. Wanting to at least do some mischeif, Kisame leaned in close to Itachi's ear breathing warmly on it and speaking in a husky voice.  
"All finished Princess. Is there anything else I can help you with"  
The Uchiha pushed the blue boy away and stood up abruptly. He walked to a nearby branch and grabbed hold of his kimono and quickly wrapped it around himself. He turned and glared at Kisame.  
"Don't step outside of bounds. Remeber who is master and who is slave"  
Kisame bowed, not even trying to hide the sharky grin that was taking up half of his face. When Itachi was long gone, he floated on his back smiling dreamingly at the sky.  
"Looks like handy isn't gonna be lonely tonight, but it was worth it"  
An image of Itachi's backside when he'd gotten out of the water flashed through his mind.  
"Yep, it's worth it." 


	4. Chapter 4

Itachi was in pain

Not just the Normal Pain

It was so much worst than Usual.

Because He Saw

Kisame

He was Standing the in window just a moment ago.

He saw.

Itachi had no Idea where Kisame went

He Was Hit in his Head with the broom stick before he could see where He went.

It hurt to know that Kisame Didn't care if his father was hitting him.

Not even Just hitting.

Beating

Hating

Abusing

Name calling

Destroying.

With no Hope.

No hope.

None at all

And with that Itachi gave up.

and subcumed to the darkness.

If he had stayed awake just a few moments longer

He would have seen it

Kisame

Busting in with an Axe

Murdering Fugaku Uchiha

In a mass of blood

Painting the walls a new and deadly colour.

Wrapping Itachi's Broken and Witherd Body in a black cape with red clouds they Left the Farm. Never to return.

Untill Prince Neji, the next morning Heard that His betrotherd, Itachi was stolen by theifs. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Ryter: The usual for ya'll. Another week, another chapter.**

Kisame held the sleeping Uchiha to his chest, cradling him in his arms tightly. They were almost six miles from the farm house, in a small cave. He'd wanted to get further away, but that would've meant neglecting Itachi's injuries. He had spent the entire night wrapping his wounds and bruises the best he could. He hadn't even left him to wash off Fugaku's blood. He leaned into the younger boys black hair closing his eyes and taking in the scent that was all Itachi. "I'm sorry. I never should've allowed this. I should've taken you away sooner my princess"  
The blue boy kissed Itachi's forehead, but winced when he felt the heat practically radiating off of the boy. He had a high fever, and would need to be seriously treated soon. Kisame laid Itachi down on the stone floor of the cave. The dark haired boy groaned and reached up for him. The elder kissed his love tenderly and brushed away the hair that had fallen into his face before pulling his arms away. He quickly kissed the Uchiha's fingers to comfort him back into complete unconciousness.

"I'll be back Princess. I promise. I won't leave you. Not again"

With one last look over his shoulder, Kisame left the cave and headed out into the open. He had thought he'd seen a stream not far from where they were that would be perfect for helping bring down Itachi's fever. Unfortunately, Kisame didn't get too far. There was a low whistling that broke through the air. Kisame Instantly recognized the sound and tried to duck. Four arrows flew at him. Three missed their marks. He was lucky, but not that lucky.

"Damn It"

He cringed as the fourth arrow dug into his shoulder. He pulled his sword from his shoulder and smirked in the direction that the attack had come from.

"And here I thought this was going to be easy. You guys coming out anytime soon or what"

A tall woman riding side saddle on a white pony came out of the hidden part of the path. She was followed by a shirtless boy with a choke collar and glasses. The ugly lady put out a hand to the slave boy, and was quickly helped down. As soon as she was on her feet she flattened out the lng black riding gown.

"Hello, Kissssame-kun, we were sent to find our lady Itachi-chan. You wouldn't know where he isss would you"

Kisame couldn't help but smile at the male voice accompanied by the girly features. He chuckled lightly before whistling.

"Heh...You know, you're one ugly duckling. What are you anyway? The dress says a flat chested chick, but the face says a man who's daddy didn't love him"

There was a sharp pain in Kisame's side from seemingly nowhere. When the white sparks from the pain had vanished from behind his eyes lids he looked up to see the kid with glasses standing over him with a bloody dagger. The tall cross dresser made his way over to Kisame and lifted up the blue haired boy's head so that he was staring eye to eye with him. "Now now Kabuto-kun, we need him in one piece for now. Pleasse refrain from hurting poor Kisssame-kun"  
Kisame glared at the freak, holding his bleeding side as the little slave boy Kabuto held him by his hair. "I suppossse it'sss my fault. I ssshould introduce mysself. I'm Orochimaru, Prince Hyuuga Neji'sss right hand man, sssso to ssspeak. And prince Neji wantsss hisss bride"  
The wounded boy growled low in his throat and spat at Orochimaru.

"Go to hell"

"I would, but you sssee, I'm guesssing your little lover is hurt, and in need of assistance. Kabuto isss not only a lovely little toy, but an excellent doctor. He could

care for him, and the prince could give him the home he ssso deservesss. Of courssse you will have to be punished for the murder of the previous Lord Uchiha"  
His head was bowed as he listened intently to the offer that Orochimaru was giving him. Normally he would've told the pale transvestite to go fuck himself, or maybe a toaster, but a random image of Itachi in pain and with a high fever was enough to make him forget all resistance.

"What's the punishment?"

Oro smiled and held his face between both hands and ran a long tounge up the younger captured boys face.

"Of course you'll be sent off with the royal navy for eight years to catch and battle the Dread Pirates Roberts"

Kisame nodded. It was pretty much as he figured. He smiled up at Oro with a cocky arrogance that, with the exception of possibly Itachi, no one could see through.

"A suicide mission. Well, no one lives forever right"

* * *

Haku hugged his pillow tightly to his chest and started to tear up.

"Wha...What? Tha..that's not possible! He's just playing right Zabu-sama. He'd never just leave right! There's more right?!"

Zabuza sighed and rubbed at his back as he stretched and yawned.

"Maybe. I haven't read this girly crap before. He might just ditch the dude."

The sick nin started to get big eyed as he heard this from his lover. Zabuza froze solid and held up his arms for what he knew was coming.

"N..Now Haku...The st..stories not over yet...So...so don't..."

A shuriken was thrown past his head followed by a pillow. Zabuza ducked barely moving before a needle went through his throat.

"ZABUZA IS SO MEEEEAAAANNN! WHY DID ZABUZA-SAMA HAVE TO KILL KISAME! YOU'RE EVIL EVIL EVIL."

Haku was in full on crying uke mood, and wouldn't stop tossing things at him. A pair of chains went flying just over the older nins head before he managed to slip out the door.

"No way I'm going back in there before he calms down."


	6. Chapter 6

**Ryter: This chapter is a little short**

**Harpie: A lot short**

**Ryter: (Hitting her) But I'm sure you'll enjoy it. - Brought to you by DeviantArts IcyEmo15. **

Itachi awoke alone.

in a beautiful bed room.

deep red and black silk covered everything

Candles burned softly all around him.

inscents burning somewhere hidden

because that smell can not be natural.

but none of this mattered to Itachi.

All that mattered was Kisame's where abouts.

which coincedently didn't seem to be here

just then the door opened

standing in the door-way was a girl.

short black bobbed hair and lilac eyes with no pupils.

Itachi would have thought her blind

if he hadn't seen those eyes before.

Hyuuga Eyes

His family often used to do business with the leaders of the Village.

All hyuuga.

they seemed to rule most this country side.

before he could dwell on the subject any longer

the girl began to speak.

"He-he-hello. My n-name is Hinata and My cousin Neji-Sama has ordered me to-to-to Care for you... at l-least until the W-wedding."

"Wedding?" Itachi was confused

did she mean HER wedding?

was she getting married?

or was it... Neji??

was that his name?

oh well was it his Wedding?

"Y-yes, in three years my cousin plans to marry you on the hundreth y-year of the vi-village."

thummp

And once again Itachi was lost to the darkness.

"Wait wait wait!!"

'Haku screams surpising well for someone who's sick.' Zabuza thought.

"What?"

'Oh. Zabuza is so smexy when he growls like that.' Haku thought

"Well Itachi can't marry Neji or whoever he is! He has to marry Kisame right?"

"kid, I don't know! I haven't read this shit before!"

"but... if you got taken away like that.. I know that I won't go and be with someone else like that!"

"That's good to hear, kid." At this point Zabuza wasn't really listening anymore. he was reading the room's description again.

'hmm. that kinda sounds like something Haku would like, maybe for his birthday..'

"And even if they where alot NICER than you and actually LISTENED to me I won't leave you."

"and if I found a Kid who didn't fake sick to tease my hormones and make me read some crappy book I might just join up with him instead."

"I'll be Quiet."

"Good and I'll keep reading."

"but... if you don't want to you don't have to."

"Shut up. ... I kinda like it."

"..."

"Should I keep reading?"

"Yes please."

"Okay."


	7. Chapter 7

**Ryter: Hi kids and kidettes! It's us again.**

**Harpie: And because no one asked for it, there's a surprise in this chapter for all you pirate fans.**

**Ryter: Yep. Just remember, we make no claims of any fictional characters that are potrayed in this or any other chapter. You'll get it later on in the story.**

**Harpie: Enjoy. And don't forget to review afterwards.**

Kisame faced out towards the open sea as he leaned against the ships mast.

'Eight years...Can you really wait that long for me Itachi?'

Looking down at the white tight fitting uniform he once more smirked at how it just didn't suit him at all.

"Well they always say everyone loves a man in uniform."

There was a chuckle from somewhere behind him. Kisame turned his head to see a white haired man wearing a similar outfit to his own. The only difference was he was wearing the white hat using it to cover up one of his eyes. His mouth was covered by some mask or another.

"Got a cutie back home waiting for you?"

The older man made his way over to him and took a seat by his side before pulling out a orange book to look through. Kisame blushed slightly and coughed into his hand.

"Yeah, how do ya figure?"

"Well you have that 'I really wish I was home' look that comes when you're forced away from a pair warm legs?"

Kisame blushed a dark purple and sputtered as he tried to think up an excuse.

"Well...that is...I...we haven't done...and...and the princess..."

The older man's visible eye turned into a U as he smiled under his mask.

"Oh ho! A princess huh? Well that would explain why you're here."

The blue boy stopped embarassing himself long enough to be confused by the statement. The white haired man ruffled his hair and sighed.

"Haven't you noticed yet? Everyone on this ship has commited one offense or another. No one would WILLINGLY join up for this mission. Low survival rate and all."

Kisame nodded and stared down at his hands.

"So why are you here?"

"Oh, good question. I used to work as a strong man, was even a member of the brute squad a few times, but what can I say I'm a lover of all women. Learned from the best. Unfortunately one of the women I 'loved' was a high ranking Hyuuga with a jealous streak and a husband."

To be honest, Kisame didn't know wether to laugh then or be completely stunned by that.

"Who are you?"

"Name's Kakashi."

Kakashi offered his hand, which Kisame shook half-heartedly. This made the older sailor laugh and lean back, using his arms as a pillow.

"So tell me, uh?"

"Kisame."

"Tell me Kisame, was your little princess worth it?"

Kisame thought for all of five seconds before letting a wide smirk cross his face as he stared up at the billions of stars in the night sky.

"Yeah...Always worth it?"

Kisame was awake from his deep sleep by the yelling from all around him. He sat up quickly just as a sword passed inches away from his face. He looked up to see Kakashi smirking down at him as he threw a random guy off the boat.

"Nice of you to finally wake up beautiful."

Kisame tried to say something but was cut off by another sword trying to cut into him. He held up his hands grabbing the end of it and holding his attacker at bay.

"WHAT THE HELL! I GO TO SLEEP FOR AN HOUR AND WE'RE ATTACKED BY...BY..."

"These would be pirates, I'm pretty sure, and to be fair we did sort of attack them first."

Kakashi calmly picked the guy up and tossed him away from Kisame, at the same time kicking out behind him and knocking down another one who was trying to sneak up on him. Kisame got to his feet and reached for his own large sword, quickly loosening the wrappings.

"We're pretty sure we finally found the Dread Pirate."

There was a loud boom that shook the entire vessel, knocking Kisame and everyone else off their feet.

"What was that?"

Another bang rocked the ship before he could get an answer. Forcing himself to stand up Kisame frowned and looked around at the rest of his ship mates. His eyes widened in awe as he saw the mast in flames. It cracked and fell towards them. Kakashi didn't notice the immediate danger.

"Yo! Kakashi!"

Without thinking Kisame pushed Kakashi out of the way, sending both of them over the edge of the ship and into the sea. Kakashi came up first gasping for air.

"What was that for Kis..."

As he looked around he couldn't see a sign of the blue boy in the water. He cried out trying to find him. Even as he called out for him he felt a rope wrap around his waist. He pulled against it not wanting to give up on looking. His crew pulled him out of the water quickly, even as he continued to call for the lost boy.

"Kisame! KISAME!"

The blue boy's entire body felt like nothing at all as he sank deeper and deeper into the dark waters of the sea. He couldn't breath, and his head was quickly getting hazy.

'Heh...hero dies before saving his princess...I suck.'

Kisame's eyes were flooded with light. He opened his mouth and took in a deep breath of air before turning over and puking up all the sea water he'd just ingested. He groaned and rolled back over on his stomach, fighting to open his eyes.

"Hey look we got another one."

"I say we throws him back. I don't feel like cooking Shark Fin shop."

"Ahhhh...come on Sanji! I'm hungry!"

"Maybe we should have Chopper check him out?"

Finally winning the battle Kisame opened his eyes to be greeted by the strangest sight he'd ever see in his life. Two woman, four guys, and what looked like a mutant reindeer were huddled around him. Trying to not gag again he found what little voice he had.

"Where...am...I?"

A loud guy in a straw hat slapped him on the back smiling widely.

"Welcome to the Merry Go, you're gonna make a great new memeber of the crew!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Ryter: (coughing) This is...umm...This isn't as bad as it could be but...**

**Harpie: Someone handles a light sabre to thoughts of a male jedi. So if you can't deal with that force run off to your Superman comic punks.**

**Ryter: (staring at her) Was that really the best way to put it?**

**Harpie: (shruging) Better than. This chapter has mature content, so if you're sensitive to yaoi you should just wait until the next chapter which will be less sexually oriented.**

**Ryter: I actually think that's better.**

**Harpie: Well that's because you touch yourself at night. Enjoy the story.**

Itachi got to know a few people over the five months he spent at the castle so far, yet he hadn't

met Neji yet. But than again he had yet to be able to leave the room, his bathroom was conected

to the side.

Hinata quickly became a trusted friend whom Itachi talked to almost daily, always confiding in

about Kisame and his father.

Hinata's Husband came to vist quite offten..Naruto was his name. Itachi didn't know what to

think of him. Naruto always had bad jokes about Itachi being too girly for his own good.

Jiraya was another. the old man wasn't really one of Itachi's favorite people in the world but he

could stand him. Just not the porn that Jiraya was always trying to write about him and some

nameless faceless dude at the bar.

he told them all of his love for the blue man. The reaction was mixed.

Hinata blushed and asked if she could watch them when they get back together.

Naruto Blushed and asked to be excused. He came back later with tissues in his nostrals.

Jiraya wanted full detail of the man for his next book, and full details of Itachi dreams about the

Fishy man.

oh the dreams.

Wet dream after wet dream.

Kisame was in his room every night and they made love many differnt ways and many times.

"Hold it!"

"... What now Haku?!"

"Are you TRYING to make me...blush horny?"

"Noooooo."

"Liar..."

"Ahh but I'm YOUR liar."

"That you are."

"And you are my sexy little Uke-bitch."

"Zabuza-sama!!"

"Come here!"

(hours later)

"That was nice."

"After 5 hours of mind blowing sex all you can say is 'that was nice'?" mocked Zabuza

"...yes."

"Brat."

"Can you keep reading?"

"Reading what?"

"The book?"

"What book?"

"You're just doing that so you don't have to..."

"If you figured that much out..."

"Zabuza-sama!! Please??"

"NO! NOOOOO! not the pout!!"

"Pweeeeaaasee??"

"..GAH! you evil brat!"

"Ah but I'm your evil brat!"

"...Book?"

"...FINE!"

"Yay..."

"Soooo.."

"So what?"

"How was last night's lovely dream?"

"...What dream?" by now Itachi was bright red

"You know the one.." an evil grin was plastered on Hinata's face that really didn't fit her right.

She wasn't meant to smirk like that.

"Yeah the one that left all the men in the castle with boners, I mean with all that moaning of

yours, you'd think someone would come and rape you or something..." This was the ever tackfull

Naruto.

"Oh... you heard that?" okay ready to die of embarrasment now...

"Honey, I think your love all the way out at sea heard that." Hinata again.

"Oh I HOPE he heard that! Let him know just how much Tachi-baby was missing his Kisa-Poo!"

Naruto wasn't helping the ponytailed man current position, just thinking of the dream left him

hard in the pants.

"Shit."

"..."

"... Ummm can I get some "alone time"?" Itachi quoted with his Fingers

"Okay, Talk to you tommorrow Itachi-kinns" Naruto and Jiraya where making her far to corrupt

for her own good!

"Hehehehe...Have some fun with the pork-sword now, try not to be so loud!"

-thud- and with that the door closed, leaving Itachi and his 'pork-sword' alone with righty.

A pale hand slipped into the waist band of the blood red skirt.

A pale eye watched through a hole in the wall.

Black eyes closed to invision their lover, who was so very far away.

Pale hands reached into white pants,

Pale pink lips let loose a moan around their true love's name.

Pale eyes glared.

Itachi wasn't quite as alone as he thought.

Prince Neji seemed to have usual visits to the peeping wall, if the white cum stained meant anything, and with a stain that large, it really was often.


	9. Chapter 9

Kisame sighed. It had been so long since he had been able to return to the kingdom he had come to know as home. Almost three years. He tightened the mask around his head and looked at the greenery around him.

"Yo. Kisa-chan. We ain't got forever. Either save your girl or get back on the ship!"

The blue boy didn't bother turning around as he flipped off the pirate.

"What's wrong with you? Can't you be a little more romantic Zolo? After all who here is the new dread pirate Roberts?"

He pointed to the mask and made a gesture to the new black and red robe.The swordman rolled his eyes and turned back to walk on the deck.

"Sure. Sure. Might need to change the name to the GAY pirate Roberts. I swear that swords is over compensating for something."

Kisame gripped the hilt of his weapon and turned a fanged smile at his friend.

"Yeah? I'm ALL man. Maybe I'll show ya what my real steel looks like sometime."

There was a grumbled response that he easily ignored. Kisame walked along the docks searching for a open pub. When he found one he took a seat quickly and ordered the strongest drink they had to offer.

"It's inconceivable yeah!"

The loud, and obviously drunk, talker went ignored by Kisame for the most part.

"True, but killing a girl is Sooo boring Deidara-senpai! Why do we gotta kill the Hyuuga princess! She's not even that tough!"

Kisame listened in at this.

'Anything that'll give me a leg up against that Neji guy is worth hearing.'

There was a loud smack as the blond guy hit his companion over the head.

"You idiot how many times do I have to tell you? Just because the it wears a dress doesn't make him a girl! hmm! That Itachi dude is a dude! Yeah!"

The blue boy stood up and quickly walked over to the duo at the table only to be stopped by a strong hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry friend. I think you should get moving. This conversation has nothing to do with you."

The boy who'd been hit over the head, and was wearing a orange mask waved at the new arrival happily.

"Kakashi! You made it just in time! Deidara-sempai was being mean to me, even though Tobi was a good boy!"

Kisame's eyes widened as he looked over his shoulder to see the familar face of the smiling man he'd met on the prison ship he'd nearly died on.

"K..Kakashi?"

The silver haired older man raised a visible eyebrow in confusion.

"Do I know you?"

"Uh?"

Mentally smacking himself Kisame smiled sharkishly and shook his head. He leaned in close to the older man drawing circles on his chest, and slurring his voice as if he were drunker than he actually was.

"W...would yoush like to know me big boy? Yo..Yoush're not my usual type, but...but I can make an espsion forsh yoush..."

Kakashi smirked and held up his hands as if he were surrendering.

"Sorry friend. Maybe you should find somewhere to sleep that off before you get in trouble."

"Kakashi actually being hit on! Now that's inconceivable! Donna!"

Kisame waved his hand and stumbled away shouting loudly.

"I don't need this! I...I can find a better...better lay th...than yoush!"

The blue boy left the bar, but didn't wander off to far. Instead he picked a hidden ally and waited for the others to leave.

"If these idiots can lead me to my princess then it'll be worth waiting all night."

* * *

Haku twitched slightly and wrung his pajama bottoms in his hands. The ansty movements of his lover were starting to get on Zabuza's nerves. He slammed the book shut and glared at the young boy.

"What's the matter now? Do you have to go to the bathroom or something? WHAT?!"

There was the quick pressure of soft lips against Zabuza's. The ex-mist nin blinked in surprise.

"Uh...Haku.."

Blushing Haku looked anywhere but at him.

"Yes, Zabuza-sama?"

"What was that?"

In true uke form Haku hid behind his hands and smiled, his blush getting darker.

"Just hadn't done it in a while."

Growling once in warning Zabuza pounced on his adorable lover. Haku giggled and half heartedly tried to push him away.

"What about the story?"

"Screw the story! I wanna forget you!"

Haku gave him a competely confused look. Zabuza shook his head to regain some clarity.

"I mean Forget you! I wanna screw the story!"

"I still don't think you've got it just right Zabu-sama."

"Don't need to get it right. I'll show you what I mean!"


	10. Chapter 10

"Damn it!"

It was a pleasurable experiance indeed, but it made a mess.

The white spunk slowly dripped off his hand and on to his skirt which wasn't much better.

With a heavy sigh Itachi stood from his chair, knees slightly wobbly, and walked on a slightly crooked path to the bathroom door, occasionally hitting the furniture as he went.

fumbling with the doorknob for a moment before freezing, something was off.

Itachi was no longer alone in his room anymore.

* * *

  
"Ahhhw!"

"What?! What's wrong?!"

"NooooOOOOO!!"

"What is it Haku!"

"The chapter can't end there!"

"Well... it just did!!"

"Don't yell at me!"

Oh no, angry uke. not good. Okay okay, what to do? What to do? Okay. Zabuza could run, but that would mean leaving an angry uke in the bed room they shared, meaning he could cut holes in all the crotches of zabuza's pan't like the last three times, OR he could tack the little mass of anger to the bed and have angry sex for about and hour till Haku beat him with the slippers on the floor beside the bed...hmmmmmm, Run or sex, crotchless pants or slipper beating.

Haku was no longer angry, but completly amused, it wasn't every day that you see Zabuza, the cold vicious man who only really showed cruelty and horniness, folding his arm, head bent down, brow scrunched together in plain concentration and muttering about slippers, crotches, running shoes, and kiwi-watermelon flavored lube.

Stiffling a giggle, Haku watched this for over 10 minutes til he grew bored and picked up the book to see where the next chapter picked up.

Poor old Zabu-chan never got his beloved angry sex, but than again he never had to go to the mall with his penis hanging out of his pants, like the last three times.

* * *

  
Itachi tried to move, honest he did, but the vibe from the other presence just told him to stand still, and not move, like if he did it would only piss the other off.

"He's gone you know." A deep baritone voice spoke, like a scrape in the darkness

"Wh-who's g-g-g-gone?" Was all Itachi could put out, inwarldy cursing himself for stuttering, Uchiha's didn't stutter!

"The shark man, Kisame." The name of his true love was spat out like a poison.

"No he's not! He will find me and take me back home." He replied, voice cold as ice. Nobody insulted his love. Nobody!

"I will kill him the second he sets foot in the castle."

"Who are you?" The whisper was barely audible.

"Neji, your fiance."

"No.."

"Oh yes."

"Why are you here!?"

"Because I'm sick and tired of you lusting after that...that...FREAK!"

"Don't call him that!"

"fury huh? I like that."

"You're sick!"

"And you're mine."

The heavy body pressed him up against the door.

Itachi fought, honestly he did, but Neji fought harder

And that's how he lost his virginity.

Bleeding painfully and Screaming.

All the time wishing for his Kisame to come and take him from the nightmare.


	11. Chapter 11

Zabuza frowned and let out an exasperated groan.

"OH COME ON HAKU! I didn't write the story!"

Haku sniffed and crossed his arms pouting.

"You let the princess get raped! How could you Zabuza-sama!"

The older nin ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.

"Listen koi. I'm sure that...um..."

"Kisame."

"Yeah. Kisame will come in and save the day before anything else bad happens. I mean...It's obvious..."

The younger boy wiped at the corners of his eyes before moving closer to his lover.

"You promise?"

"Urr...Hey! How 'bout we get back to that story huh? Yeah. Such a great story."

* * *

Kisame frowned and shifted his weight on his heels. He'd been here for at least four hours. The sun was already setting on the horizon, and the baka trio had yet to make a move. It was almost as if they were waiting for something. The shark boy leaned back against a tree, his arms crossed scowling at the group as they sat comfortably around a fire he couldn't have for fear of being caught.

"Come on. Come on. How long does it take to kidnap someone? I could've been half way around the world by now."

He was pulled out of his thoughts almost instantly as the forest echoed with the sound of hoof beats. Kisame stiffened and reached behind him to grip the handle of his sword hard. Someone was coming. The group didn't seem to care. Kakashi looked up once, but that was the only acknowledgement of the guest that was riding down on them. In mere moments the group was surrounded by soliders. The blue man growled as two men on horseback stood out in his memory. He growled as the blonde leader of the trio, Deidara, addressed the evil man wearing a black strapless dress that stopped at the top of his thigh.

"Orochimaru-sama, nice to see you didn't forget us. Yeah. We were starting to think you wouldn't come uh."

Tobi leaned over to whisper in Deidara's ear rather loudly.

"Hey sempai. He's a guy right? What's with the dress?"

Deidara hit Tobi hard over the head, half ignoring him. The older man, who had heard the insult and didn't really care about it, dismounted and stood before the trio smiling warmly. His white haired assistant stayed put smiling softly, but had a look in his eyes that dared anyone to make a move against his master.

"I'm quite sorry Dedara-kun. I was held up cleaning up for my charge. I swear sometimes Hyuuga-san can be so...violent. It took poor Kabu-chan hours to fix up our poor little Itachi-kun."

Kisame's eyes widened and he reached up to clench at his chest right over his heart.

'I...Itachi.'

He shifted uncomfortably, wanting nothing more than to strangle Orochimaru with his own tounge until he told him where his love was. Unfortunatley his common sense stopped him. He still didn't know exactly where Itachi was, and currently he was out numbered. He'd have to be patient, no matter how hard it was. He forced himself to focus in on the conversation again. The pleasantries were finally ending and they were getting to what the meeting was really about. The kidnapping of the princess.

"..I don't think I need to remind you how important this is. Hiashi-sama is slightly put out by Neji-sama's choice of bride. He personally couldn't care if Neji kept the boy as a toy, but marriage is another story. Plus there's the obvious gossip that Itachi is responsible for the death of Uchiha Fugaku. It really is quite complicated. Especially with the Uchiha younger brother claiming that he deserves the throne instead of Itachi..."

Tobi cut the snake man off with a loud yawn.

"Deidara-sempai! It's so boring. Like listening to all your art talk!"

The blond glared at his companion grabbing him by his throat and choking him. Kakashi didn't seem fazed by the action and simply shrugged it off. Deciding instead of breaking up the little scuffle, to speak directly to Orochimaru.

"My younger companion didn't put it as gracefully, but he's right. We don't really care about the details. All we need is the job description."

Oro ran his long tounge over his lips, causing a shudder to run down everyone's spine. Kisame personally felt like puking.

"Very well. Princess Itachi will be riding through the forest tommorrow morning. Of course you'll be expected to abduct him and swiftly transport him off of the coast of Kohana, and to a small village somewhere in the land of sound. There you will kill him and leave this."

Orochimaru tossed a torn cloth with what looked like an emblem for the sound country. As Kakashi bent to pick it up the other man climbed back onto his mount grinning wickedly.

"Of course this might lead to war, but these things can't be helped. After all the Hyuuga have always wished for a few of sounds more...interesting weaponry. Not to mention some of the poisons they reach from the mist villages. It's truly sad it takes the death of a 'princess' to win such prizesss."

Tobi raised one of his hands, while the other rubbed at the large welt forming on his head.

"Hey what about our pay? Even if it's not something special we should still get paid. Shouldn't we Deidara-sempai."

Deidara hit him again, but Orochimaru just chuckled lightly before tossing a sack of gold at their feet.

"If you wish for more, visit me AFTER the job is finished."

With that the pale man, and his entourage rode off back into the forest they'd come from. Kisame settled back against a tree branch, a plan slowly forming in his mind. Tommorrow morning he would follow the three would-be assassins and once they had left the boarder of Kohana for sound he'd make his move and take back his princess. Staring up at the stars above he made a silent promise he hoped would reach Itachi somehow.

'Stay strong my princess. I failed you enough. I promise you that I will give you your happy ending. Even if I have to die trying.'


	12. Chapter 12

Nothing

that's it

That's all he felt

Nothing

No Pain

No Anger

Not Saddness

not even a Longing for his Beloved

how can you long for someone dead?

Itachi Couldn't Answer

he Couldn't

feel

anything

just nothing.

"Damnit!"

"H-haku?!" To say Zabuza was shocked would be an understatment

Haku didn't swear!

"Zabuza-sama isn't telling the story right!"

"Yes I-"

"LIES!! FILTHY LIES AND SLANDER!!" Holy Crap! Zabuza was so thrown by the cry that he ended up tossing the book in the air.

"Haku...?"

"What?" All to innocent for Zabuza's liking

"Have...um... were you watching 'Invader Zim' Again?"

"Mayyyybe..." That nothing, Haku just got this blank Look on his face. staring dumbly at the wall behind Zabuza's head.

"...H-haku...?"

"Hi wall! Make me a sammich!(yes that's how it's spelt)"

"Oh god."

Haku was just sitting there giggling to himself rocking back and forth muttering about Pancakes and Squirlles.

Zabuza picks up the book from the other side of the room.

The crisp air blew rather harshly for a cool September day.

Itachi, dressed in a white kimono with red chrysanthemums clustered at the bottom and slowly working their way up, was walking towards the stables.

The Hyuuga's did have many a horse, but all the ones that Itachi wanted to ride were 'too unsafe for a princess' and he was not allowed to even come within 20 feet of their stalls.

Instead, he was stuck with a plain black jumping breed with a dark brown mane and tail.

after taking up, he was off.

the scenery was a blur to him.

even more so as the tears rolled down his pale cheeks.

Gripping the reigns with one hand he furiously wiped them away.

Just as his vision came to, he saw three people at the side of the road.

Slowing to a halt he asked "Hello?"

"We are but poor simple circus performers un, Is there a village near by?"

"There is nothing near by, Not for miles."

The poor weasel never saw one of them sneak up behind him

"Then there shall be no-one to hear you scream yeah."

Itachi opend his mouth to question what the words meant when a pain flared up in his shoulder and as quickly as it started, his world faded to black

'Kisame...help... please.' 


	13. Chapter 13

Zabuza frowned and petted Haku's head.  
"You done"  
Haku stared up at his companion with huge eyes looking almost to the brink of tears.  
"Y...You didn't have to hit me Zabuza-sama! Th..That wasn't neccassary"  
"And YOU didn't have to sing the doom song for 9 hours straight. We all do things we shouldn't right"  
There was another sniffle from his young lover. Rolling his eyes the older man wrapped an arm around Haku and pulled him into his side, leaning his chin on the boy's head.  
"I'm sorry. Now do you want me to continue or not"  
Haku nodded, nuzzling deeper into his love's chest. With a soft sigh Zabuza continued with the story.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kisame's fingers dug into the hilt of his sword leaving permanent indents. All he could think of was killing all three of the goons who had thought of putting their hands on HIS Itachi. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to will himself to be calm. Of course this didn't help at all.  
'I have to wait. I have to wait. Once they reach sound I can just take him back. No one will chase us. We'll be free. Free to start again'  
Kisame shook himself quickly out of his thoughts and followed the others moving quickly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kakashi frowned as he stared off into the darkened sea watching as something moved through the waters, smirking a little he tossed a small morsal of food into the water, listening to the snapping of jaws as they fought over it.  
"Well...I don't see that everyday"  
"Ugh"  
The white haired man looked over his shoulder to see the princess slowly coming to. This kept his interest for only a few seconds. "Don't fight it. Just go along with us for a while. It'll be probably three days before we make port"  
He cast a sidelong glance at the 'damsel' in distress. The boy was just staring calmly off into the opposite direction. It was strange, but maybe he was just in shock for the moment. Kakashi didn't get to ponder this as Tobi came running up to him, nearly knocking him into the dangereous waters.  
"TOBI"  
"Help KAKASHI! DEIDARA-SEMPAI IS TRYING TO KILL ME"  
The mention blond came at them both, soaking wet and seething evil. The older man stepped in front of Tobi blocking his way.  
"Okay Okay. Calm down Dei-chan. I'm sure whatever he did he didn't mean it, and I bet he's very very sorry"  
The calm words worked for all of one second before Deidara was trying to climb THROUGH Kakashi to Tobi.  
"Oh, I'll make him sorry alright. So sorry he'll jump overboard as a sign of pentance yeah"  
Tobi cowered down in the corner whimpering slightly. The white haired man grabbed both of Deidara's arms dragging him back.  
"What exactly did he do Dei"  
"He came running up to me like an IDIOT and threw water on me"  
Kakashi raised an eyebrow and looked at the man in the mask with questioning eyes. Tobi held up his hands in defense.  
"NO! I was mopping the floor like Deidara-sempai told me, and I looked over the railing and saw IT, so I went to tell sempai and tripped, accidently spilling the water"  
Kakashi ran a hand through his hair in annoyance.  
"Tobi"  
"Yes"  
"Two questions. One. Why were you carrying the bucket of water"  
Tobi sniffed slightly.  
"Because I didn't want to leave the bucket. It might fall over board"  
"Okay. Now explain to me what 'IT' is"  
Both of the other men could almost see his eyes widen under the mask in a comical way. Deidara had given up struggling for the moment to hear this.  
"IT WAS A SHIP! WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED"  
Kakashi let go of the blond and grabbed the nearest telescope he could find. Deidara was too busy beating Tobi to a pulp to notice.  
"Tobi were the sails marked with the Hyuuga seal"  
"Why are you listening to his trash Kakashi. Un. It's inconcievable that someone would even try yeah"  
Kakashi looked out into the dark sea anyway, and spotted the ship that Tobi'd seen. It's sails were black, and it was too small to be anything that the Hyuuga older man shrugged and walked back over to the princess leaning against the railing, this time to look towards the ship instead of the creatures.  
"We are being followed Dei-chan"  
"Wha"  
"Followed. A ship with black sails. Someone definately wants our cargo"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "WOOOOHOOOOO"  
Haku jumped up and down on the bed in pure ecstacy. Zabuza hadn't seen him this happy in hours really.  
"I knew it! I knew it! Kisame's gonna save him, and they're gonna be together forever, and kiss, and get married, and have lots and lots of baby Itachi's and Kisame's"  
Zabuza cut him off as he tried to continue.  
"Haku...If they're both male, how are they gonna have kids"  
The younger nin just shook his head flippantly. "Don't be silly Zabuza-sama. It's a story, of course there'll be a magical way for Kisame to have Itachi's babies"  
The older man's eyebrow twitched at the mental image that made. A blue shark-like man, bearing children.  
"Okay. Zabuza needs a little mental break"  
Zabuza ignored his uke's calls and walked out of the room for some fresh air. 


	14. Chapter 14

Itachi never really knew about a fear of his. but how could he!?! He'd never been placed in a situation where he had to face his fear!

But now he was.

Kakashi climbed the cliff. With Itachi strapped to his front, Tobi strapped to his side, and Deidara strapped to his back.

And Itachi was shaking enough to make them all quiver.

"Stop shaking UN!" Yelled the blonde man.

"Princess can't help it! He's scared a heights!" The orange masked boy retorted.

"maaa... Pardon me?" The silver hair man interrupted.

"What now un?"

"The man's climbing the rope as well."

"No way!"

"Unbelieveable un!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Believe it!" Haku yelled

Zabuza's eye twitched. "That's it. You can't hang out with that kyuubi kid anymore."

"Aawwwwww..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The group reached the top and threw Itachi to the ground, where he lay motionless. He could move if he wanted, but...he was numb.

He watched emotionlessly as Deidara pulled a dagger and cut the rope.

The three kidnappers gathered around the edge and looked over.

"He's still climbing! Go Man GO!" Tobi cheered.

"BAKA!!!" Yelled Deidara "We WANT him to DIE!"

"B-but he's after the Princess! It's Romantic!"

"Yes it is rather touching." Kakashi put in his two cents.

"AH!! You two are insane!" Screeched Deidara. the blond man walked over towards Itachi and grabbed him by the waist and hoisted him over his shoulder. "Come Kakashi, we're leaving Un."

"But what about Tobi! Tobi's been a good boy!"

"No Tobi, You have not been a good boy Un, good boys don't kidnap princesses, or asssist in killing them!" Yelled the blond.

Tobi fell to his knees and started shaking, and if you listened close enough you could hear him sob softly under his mask.

Deidara how ever was not touched or emotoinally distraght by this. "Tobi CAN be a good boy in my eyes...if you do what I ask of you un"

"H-how Deidara-sempai?"

"I want you to get rid of the man climbing up the cliff." Deidara Explained "If he falls fine un, if not. The sword. got it UN?"

"YES YES! TobiisagoodboyandTobiwillkilltheromanticmanevenifhewishedthattheromanticmanwasgonnalive'cuzTobiwantstotalkwithhimabouthowtogetthepersonyouliketolikeyouback!" Yelled the hyperactive boy.

"...okay....un.." Blinked the blond man "Whatever that means." Than he turned and walked away with Kakashi, saying no goodbye to Tobi whatsoever.

once they where out of sight Tobi's shoulders fell. "Bye bye Deidara-love" Than he straightened up and moved over to the side of the cliff. "Hello?"

"WHAT!?"

"Tobi askes if you can speed up..."

"Well tell Tobi that, No, I can't 'speed up'. I'm going as fast as I can." Growled Kisame.

"I'm Tobi. Tobi is also sorry, romantic man, becasue Tobi is only waiting around to kill you."

"How'd I guess?" 


	15. Chapter 15

It took Kisame a minute to calm himself down. Not only had they run away with his princess, but they'd left the stupid one of the group to kill him. He snorted at that.

'Yeah, right. I'd jump off this cliff before I let 'Tobi' kill me.'

Unbeknowst to him, Tobi was sitting on his along the edge of the cliff staring down at him boredly. It was taking far too long for romantic man to make it up the mountain. Granted he was doing it bare handed, and he was nothing like Kakashi who could do this sort of thing in his sleep, but it was still annoying.

'At this rate Deidara-senpai will be miles and miles away from Tobi.'

Tobi didn't know what to do. He wanted to be a good boy, but he also wanted to get this over with quickly. He let out another sigh and fell back on the ground behind him, feet still dangling over the edge. He yelled down to the man hanging from the sheer drop.

"HEY! Romantic man..."

"Kisame!"

Tobi sat up and stared down at him curiously. The strange guy was glaring up at him, probably concentrating on climbing.

"What?"

Kisame shook his head and kept climbing.

"My name is Kisame, not romantic man!"

"Oh."

Tobi leaned back again waiting patiently for the man once more. Until his ADHD set in and he remembered the question he was gonna ask the man.

"Hey! Romantic man!"

"My na...You know..I don't even care. WHAT?!"

"Tobi wants to let you know there's more rope up here. I can throw it down and you can climb up faster."

Kisame froze where he was and looked up completely lost in this step in thinking. Weren't they trying to kill him? Was this some kind of trap?

"Yeah...Wanna tell me why? I mean if you're waiting around to kill me, what's the point of helping me up the cliff?"

"It's not like Tobi wants to kill you. It's my job, you're trying to take the princess, and that will make Deidara-senpai unhappy. So, Tobi will make sure you don't so Deidara will stay happy. Maybe he'll even reward Tobi for being a good boy!"

Kisame didn't know whether to be seriously annoyed or feel a little bad for the kid. His head drooped slightly.

"Yeah. I'm sure he will."

Tobi's eyes brighted behind his mask as he heard the half sincere statment.

"You think?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't explain why you want to help me up."

Tobi rolled his eyes as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

"If I help Romantic man up the cliff I can beat you faster and get back to Deidara-senpai and Kakashi faster."

Somehow, after talking to Tobi for even this long, that made perfect sense to the blue boy as well. Smirking he raised one hand and waved to Tobi.

"Fine. Throw down the stupid rope. Put I'll tell you this, if you let go I'll still climb up there and kick your ass."

Tobi did a quick jump for joy before throwing the rest of the rope down to the man. He griped his end hard, and made sure that it wouldn't slip before calling down to the other man to start climbing up it. Kisame said a silent prayer before taking hold of it and quickly pulling himself up. Tobi had to hold on tight. He hadn't really expected the other man to be as heavy as he was. Taking even a small step back from the edge was an effort. Finally the other man pulled himself over and away from the edge before both of them plopped down exhausted. Kisame made to stand up and fight, but Tobi stopped him.

"N...No...Tired. Wa...Wait a second."

The man looked ready to fight anyway, but nodded and sat back on the ground. Both just stared at each other for a second, trying their hardest to catch their breath. Tobi, as always, was the first to speak. He pointed an accusing finger at Kisame.

"Whew! Romantic man is heavy!"

Kisame rolled his eyes and pulled his sword off of his back.

"Not me. The sword adds fifty pounds."

"Wow, you have a big sword! Gotta be hard to carry it! Hey do you have a long tounge. You know the kind that can wrap around your neck, or a cross dressing fetish?"

Kisame just stared at him, not saying anything. If he could see Tobi's face he'd know that the boy was being totally serious, course he couldn't so that was lost on the shark swordsman.

"I'm sorry. I think I got some crazy in my ear. I think you said something about a tounge and cross dressing?"

Tobi shook his head sadly. Obviously this wasn't who he was looking for.

"Yeah. Tobi's been searching for the man in the dress with the tounge for a long time. He killed Tobi's father and mother and then had his slave boy burn down Tobi's and Deidara's village. Said it was because Tobi's father wouldn't teach him a technique he wanted to know. Even though Deidara-senpai doesn't say it, Tobi knows that he blames Tobi. So I'll make it up to Deidara-senpai. He'll kill the man for him and that'll make Deidara-senpai think Tobi is a good boy."

Kisame barely picked up on any of that. He did get that Tobi was trying to make something up to a 'Deidara-senpai'. He'd just assume it was the chick with the blonde hair that had cut the rope earlier. Something about the description sounded familar, but he let it go. Rolling his shoulders Kisame got to his feet. Tobi wasn't too far behind, the sad atmosphere around him dissipated immediately.

"So, you're ready to fight now?"

Kisame gave a toothy smirk and raised his sword ready to go.

"Something like that."

Tobi nodded and waited patiently for Kisame to attack. Not wanting to waste any advantage he was given the shark boy ran at him bringing down his sword hard. He felt a little bad as he watched the sword pass easily through the other's middle with almost no resistance. Kisame frowned and looked at the ground before putting his sword away and starting to look for where the other two had run off with his Itachi.

"Wow. That was cool. Lot faster than I thought you'd be able to swing something that big."

Kisame turned around shocked, and only jumped out of the ways only a few seconds before a fire ball was sent at him. He was up and running as soon as he was safe. A string of fire was coming from Tobi's mouth, straight at him. He tucked and rolled as the last bit of flame died away. Tobi fell back on his butt and ran a hand along his forehead.

"Whew! It's hard holding you're breath that long. Really difficult. That was cool though! You looked like a super hero!"

Kisame looked at him and he waved it off chuckling slightly.

'Maybe crazy is contagious.'

"Yeah. What I wanna know is how you managed to survive that blow through the shoulder."

Tobi shrugged and stood back up ready to go again. Kisame figuring that it wasn't that important anyway, shrugged it off and ran at the boy again. Tobi blew another fireball his way. This time instead of dodging Kisame used his sword to block the flames slightly as he continued running towards Tobi. When it got to hot he jumped up into the air and brought down the sword towards his masked face. Tobi shimmered and then was nowhere. Kisame's sword connected with the ground hard, jarring him slightly. He looked up trying to see where Tobi'd gone to, only to come face to face with the bottom of Tobi's foot. He was sent flying. He skipped along the ground a short distance, coming to rest along the edge of the cliff. Kisame didn't realize how close he actually was. He rolled over slightly. His eyes widened as he started over the edge.

'Fuck!'

He reached up for something to grip onto, but was just a little too far down. He was sure he was gonna die, until he felt something snag his arm. Tobi was holding onto his arm and waved at him, a smile could be seen even through the mask.

"Sorry. Tobi didn't mean to kick you that far."

Kisame shook his head as if this sort of thing happened all the time.

"No problem. Help me up?"

Tobi pulled hard and together they once more made it up to safety. This time they pulled their fight a little further away from the danger zone. Kisame raised an eyebrow as a silent request to continue. Tobi nodded and got ready for round two. The swords man looked behind Tobi and saw his weapon still stuck in the ground. If he could get to it, there wouldn't be too many problems...or maybe...

"Hey, Tobi. Can you grab my sword for me?"

Tobi looked behind him then back at Kisame.

"Yes! Tobi will get Romantic man's sword, then we can continue fighting and Tobi can prove he's a good boy."

Tobi walked over and reached for the sword. Spikes came out of it's hilt and stuck hard into Tobi's hand. He jerked back his hand quickly and yelled. Kisame had made his way over to the masked boy by this time. He elbowed the kid in the back of the head. Tobi went to his knees easily. Kisame frowned down at Tobi feeling even worst than he did after the first blow he'd made.

"But...but..Tobi's a good..."

"Sorry."

Kisame brought down the hilt of his sword hard on Top of Tobi's head, knocking him out. Crouching down next to him, he ruffled the black hair that was visible.

"Can't have you following me. Might try and stop me from saving Itachi-hime. Can't have that."

Making sure the guy was truly out of it this time. Kisame shouldered his weapon and started in the only direction they could've gone.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` Haku sat up suddenly just as Zabuza began to go on with the story. The older man looked at him, like he'd lost his mind.

"What's the matter now?"

Haku stood up and stretched.

"Just realized. Haven't taken a bath in a while. Think we can continue this in the tub?"

The totally innocent look on Haku's face was wasted on Zabuza as he thought of all the things he'd like to do in a bathtub that DID NOT involve reading.

"Oh, yeah. We can do one or two other, 'things' while we're there as well."

Haku giggled as he grabbed the book as Zabuza hauled him over his shoulder and made their way to a nice hot bubble bath. 


End file.
